Ice Crisis

Living With Ice & Snow – Lots of It

St Petersburg was originally founded on May 16, 1703, the day Peter The Great threw the first dirt, or more likely muck, over his shoulder on a dank, swampy island at the end of the Neva River. It was a barren, uninhabited, place originally called “Hare Island”, certainly not a place where the aristocratic gentlemen and ladies of the old capital Moscow had any interest in moving to. But when you are the boss you make the rules and the rest is history.

So now it is one of the newest major cities in the world and it is the closest to the North Pole of any of the world’s large, great cities. One would think, that knowing where it lies, yes it does get cold the closer you get to the North Pole even with global warming, someone during the last 300 years might have considered the “Ice Issue”.

Even I, not an engineer, not a climateoligist, not a rocket scientist, just a salesman, after only 1 year of having a house in the cold Rocky Mountains, clearly understood that in the winter ice causes problems. Whether it’s on the roof or on the driveway or on the sidewalk, it is at best inconvenient and at the worse deadly. So why can’t the Russians here in this self proclaimed most advanced urban environment deal with the “Ice Issue”?

You are probably thinking, what is this Potrick complaining about. “A little Ice here and there, it’s nothing to worry about. Have another vodka and chill out”.

I beg to differ. Yesterday, a normal day just like any other in the frozen or thawing north we made a journey to the city center. Yeah I’d heard about “Ice Issues”, but didn’t think too much about it, we have our own problems out here in the burbs.

Daily we deal with our own “Ice Issues”. First it starts with snow, lots of it. Of course snow is not ice; yet anyways. Dark and early every morning our building workers are out shoveling the 20 foot entrance walkway clean as a whistle. When that’s done, there done.

Great work guys! Gets us right out to the sidewalk aua (also used as) street without a worry about any “Ice Issues”, but from there you are on our own. The sidewalks aua streets are a bit risky. It’s there one encounters the out-of-control idiots speeding down our street aua sidewalk who don’t know the difference between a Lada (Russian’s favorite car for those who can’t afford a luxury import) and a snowmobile.

Then there are always the guys that think they are only temporally stuck in the snow & ice. The standard Russian vehicle extraction procedure (I think it comes from the factory with these instructions printed on the dashboard) is;

1-transmission to forward & gun motor to 7000 RPM

2-transmission to reverse & gun motor to 7000 RPM

3-repeat 1 & 2 until

a – vehicle is hopelessly stuck and needs professional help, or

b - vehicle unexpectedly blasts out of the snow/ice impediment endangering any living creature within a 30 meter area

4-if 3-a occurs get vodka and begin celebrating day off from work

So we mostly prefer to use beaten down paths, short cuts, that lead to where ever it is we need to go. But it’s getting out of the street where the next challenge will smack you.

With each run of the plow more snow is pushed and/or piled to the side of the road. The sidewalks aua streets quickly resemble deep, white canyons more than transportation conduits. And so every Russian walker, mostly elderly pensioners like myself too scared to drive in this insane place, during every walk will at some point come face to face with The Wall!

The towering, intimidating Wall of what previously was beautiful, white, fluffy snow is now a hard pile of ice. In your heart you know the risks; slipping, sliding, sprained or broken body parts, or worst of all embarrassment of a fall. It’s a formidable obstacle blocking access to your favorite short cut. But if asked why they try climbing such a dangerous pile of ice the answer is simple: “ it’s there, and the producta store with the best kolbasa and kupusta (sausage & cabbage) is on the other side.”

Cultural Oddity - Every Russian has their favorite short cut to get from point A to Point B. Seems they intuitively know the shortest, fastest, easiest way to get where they are going. If you are later trying to go from A to B and forgot the exact way of the short-cut, don’t, I repeat “DON’T”, ask another Russian how to get to the short cut that you used last time. Every Russian knows best and has their own short cut. You will be forced to listen to the following, in Russian of course: “you are crazy, that is the longest way. Listen!! You must go this way…., forget what that other guy told you, he doesn’t know!!! Understand? Dos Vedanya.”

The old pensioner approaches the high, steep ice barrier and knows there is no faster way. Stops, looks up, takes a deep breath, lifts their cane and flips the toggle on the bottom turning a simple cane into a one-legged ice piton. Now pensioner is ready to go forward as he/she has done so many times before; a wall of ice will never stop a Russian on a shopping mission.

The assent begins; their cataract-crazed eyes search each foothold making sure to avoid an ice trap (an icy foot step covered by a thin layer of new snow). Slowly, carefully they scratch their way to the top. Finally practice and patience win the day, at least this part of the day. The pensioner reaches the summit and is on their way without incident. Of course a little unexpected assistance from a foreigner who happens to be around and isn’t familiar the local code of “don’t help anyone” is always appreciated.

As the trek continues and the day warms up, maybe above freezing, the morning snow turns first to slush, and then to water. The hard packed snow of early morning is now a foot or more of some kind of wet, slushy, cold concrete, which you must walk through. “Are your feet wet yet dear?? I sure like my ugly Columbia boots I bought 5 years ago at Burlington Coat Factory! Here let me give you a hand.”

Yeah it’s a mess, none of the side walks are plowed and you’re not getting any where fast; but don’t worry, another hour it will be 3:00 and the sun and thermometer will head down. Then we’re back into the ice mode where a light layer of dirty snow hiding a solid layer of newly formed ice below. Don’t expect to walk anywhere fast on this stuff either.

Everywhere in the world they have modified infrastructure to accommodate handicapped people in wheelchairs. All the curbs now are little ramps so a wheelchair can easily roll up and down. Like all good intentions there are always unexpected results. During the “Ice Crisis” I have learned that if I don’t want to be come a handicapped invalid for life stay away from the handicapped curb ramps!!!!

What’s the problem you may ask? These things are basically miniature ski jumps with the landing zone in the middle of the oncoming traffic lane. The other day when walking I approached the street curb, stopped as normal to wait for the crossing light, but my forward motion continued! I was sliding forward down the handicap ramp headed for the road! Panic!!! I couldn’t stop and cars were zooming by, especially the ones that were making a turn. Irina stretched out her arm to rescue. Franticly stretching and grabbing I snagged her hand stopping my slid into the street. If her glove had slid off I am sure I would have become another news story “Foreign spy stopped by great, patriotic, hero using his Russian Lada to halt capitalist spy’s escape. Government promises hero a new Mercedes replacing Lada damaged when running over both legs of foreign pig.” Now I approach curbs cautiously and stand way back from these dangerous good intentions.

Finally the door of producta store is in my grip, carefully I pull open the door and enter. BAMB, SPLAT and I’m hitting the floor butt first with back and butt to follow. “What’s going on?” I wonder as I end up in an embarrassing position at the store entry. “What did I forget? There’s no ice in here.” Then looking down I see it. “Ahhhh that #@**!!!#** Russian favorite, Italian tile, slicker than ice when wet. Can’t ever get overconfident here, danger is everywhere.” I think getting up off the floor.

So yesterday we venture into town for Advanced “Ice Crisis” Indoctrination. It was just like taken the watermelon wagon to town. We knew all the survival tricks in the country, but now it was bright lights and big city. A whole new game.

Of course we had heard the news over the last weeks. “2 killed by falling ice”. “Mother narrowly escapes death while and child in carriage is killed”. “Family run down, 3 killed, while walking in street to avoid ice danger”. Famous Moscow entertainer refuses major performance invitation; scared of ice threat – “Only idiots and alcoholics would dare walk in that city” she exclaimed. The headlines just go on and on. I think there have been 100s people killed from ice sickle impalement so far this year.

Of course there are strict regulations about clearing ice off the buildings. But, hey this is Russia. Who obeys any laws and who’s the city ice sickle inspector? I am sure he is spending his corruption money while stamping “OK – pass no dangerous ice sickles here” on the building’s inspection reports.

Last time we were in town didn’t notice any ice danger. “But wait! We were on Netskie Prospect the main boulevard where all the foreigners hang out.” Don’t want any tourists going home with bad impressions or dead; no problems here keep moving.

This time we were in a different part of the city and danger was everywhere!!! There were small 10-20 inch long ice sickles hanging from wires, medium 20-30 inch long ice sickles hanging from balconies and windowsills, and then there were monster ice sickles 3-6 feet long up on the roofs.

“Strange” I thought “this is one of the major shopping and business areas of the city and this is really dangerous.” But of course there were the normal Russian precautions preventing danger and possible injury – little red & white ribbons tied to poles, saw-horses or whatever might hold them up (until the next little breeze) to warn people of a direct drop zone.

Oh and then there are the inventive entrepreneurs seeking sales while mitigating risk who used their computer printer to run off an 8x12 drawing of an upward pointed finger. This I suppose was to tell the potential customer “look up at ice sickles, if not falling come on in, but don’t doddle”. “Boy do I feel safe now! Just don’t look up”

I couldn’t stand it – I looked up while walking along the sidewalk with no warning ribbons. “Oh my….! Irina MOVE TO THE CURB!!! NOW, FAST!!!”

There were small, medium and kinda large ice sickles all over the building we were walking under. “Quickly we must walk single file, you first and I behind about 10 feet.” Learned this in USMC, don’t want one grenade or booby trap taking out 2 guys. “Irina, this way if ice hits one of us the other can call emergency rescue. I hope it doesn’t hit you, cause I’m afraid it would take hours for them to find someone that could understand my Russian”.

The lesser problem, which wasn’t death threatening but would be a major inconvenience, was the closer you walk to the street to avoid the drop zone the more likely you are to get sprayed with slush, slop and street water by speeding cars. But such is life in the Ice Crisis. Oh well we leave in March and just to add to the cheer a friend dropped by last night and told us that the weather in February is forecast to be even colder –25 to –30 degrees F. Just wonderful!

NEAR MISS – Irina’s longtime friends Tamara and her daughter Vicky live in an old building in the old city center. A few days ago a panicked Tamara called and told Irina about Vicky’s near death experience. Tamara is very loving and protective of her only daughter and living relative so she was extremely upset.

The other day, just like every day in the winter Vicky was leaving for work. Just like so many days in the winter the weather was gray, light snow falling, the sun still had a couple of hours before it could be detected above the horizon (you don’t actually see the sun the dark gray sky just takes on a lighter shade of gray), temperature was –5C or so – everything normal. Vicky pushes the interior buzzer to activate the unlocking mechanism on the thick, heavy steel security door, struggles to push it open and starts to take a step outside. As her foot hits the slick, icy pavement a loud Swooooooosssshhing sound is instantly followed by a wind hitting her face. Not more than a foot or two directly in front of Vicky’s face she sees a 4 foot ice sickle coming straight down like a missile out of fuel free-falling from the fifth floor. It hits the ground, and disintegrates with a large Craaaaassssh. Large and small ice sickle cubs, chunks, pieces and other debris fall all around her feet and shaking legs. Quiet then just as quickly returns, only to be broken seconds later by Vicky’s hysterical screaming.

Unable to find the keys with her shaking hands she punches the intercom’s access code paging Mom for help. The receiver at the other end hits the floor as Tamara flies down the 3 floors to her beloved Vicky. Together they manage to get back to the apartment where Vicky collapses for the day and Tamara begins her phone champagne calling city hall to find the party responsible her only daughter’s near death experience and sue for pain and suffering.

Of course Tamar’s actions went nowhere – resistance in Russia is futile!

DIRECT HIT – “Potrick, I want lettuce and tomato salad for dinner tonight!! I miss it!”

“Irina, it’s 5:30 already! If we go to OKey we won’t eat until 8:00 or later. Maybe we could go tomorrow during the first part of the day. Besides we still have some cabbage slaw that we need to finish.” Lettuce and many other specially items can not be purchased in our neighborhood so it requires either walking for 30-45 minutes one-way or catching a minibus to get to the big supermaket in our area, OKey. Not only is the walk/bus kinda a pain the store itself it always packed, and just like HEB, at rush hour it is a veritable mad house. Supermarket shopping is still kind of a novelty and Russians drive their shopping carts about the same as their autos – offensive, reckless and without courtesy. So I wasn’t anxious to make the trip and was happy when Irina agreed to postpone the shopping excursion. Besides it’s right next to the metro and is more convenient to combine our trips.

A little after dinner from Mamula’s bedroom, where Irina and her mother spend their time listening to the news on the radio, I hear “You won’t believe what happened!!! OKey, it’s OKey”

“What’s OK?” I am wondering as I amble towards the news/bed room.

“NOT OK, OKey the supermarket!!! The roof collapsed, lots of people are injured, and some were killed. Just happened this evening a little while ago!!”

“Boy Irina, it’s a good thing we decided to eat cabbage rather than go for the greens. Lets check the TV and see what they may have to say.” Sure enough right about the time we would have been there the roof collapsed in the milk department. Probably would have made it out OK, because we were headed for the veggie department, but one never knows what one may remember they need when one’s eyes survey so many sumptuous temptations lying in easy reach.

Turned out that only one person was killed, but over 30 were injured. Don’t know if the injuries were due to the collapsing roof or by hit and run shopping cart drivers. The collapse was due to snow loading on the roof. According to a worker we later met while he was working at another OKey store they apparently they didn’t want to pay workers to clear off the roof. As Irina reminds me of the old Russian truism – “cheap pays twice”.

So it looks like we now have to double the time it will take to go to a specialty food store. But wait there’s more!!! Soon thereafter we find out that our only good neighborhood store, Oasis, is selling out. No telling when they will shut down or who will take it over. Now we understand why the wine and liquor sales area was converted to household cleaning items. Oh well only a week plus 3 days to go.

The Saga of Studien

Christmas At Home In Russia

Christmas was a coming and we had big plans. We would all be at the dacha with Vicky, Igor, and Tolic. Irina could hardly wait. Visions of snow quietly falling, walking in the country, sledging with Tolic, opening presents under the big “yolka” (the Russian fir tree always decorated for Christmas), eating all of the holiday favorites, including 2 ducks we were planning to cook. Yes big plans were afoot

I was a little under the weather right after arriving, but by the end of our first week recovering quickly. Then disaster strikes.

Irina, who never ever gets sick, started feeling dragy, sneezing and finally coughing. “No problem dear, I was feeling just the same and got over it in a few days”. I am always the one to get sick in Russia, but was sure Irina would be back to her normal busy self in a few days. It had, after all, been a rough trip getting here.

After 3 days Irina is still spending most of her day in bed resting. Her only mandatory chores of the day are changing Mamula’s toilet in the morning when she wakes up and then doing the same at the end of the day. I was pretty much responsible for getting the food, cooking and taking care of everything else. Needless to say with my rusty Russian, I wasn’t doing a lot if it involved talking to Russians.

My English-speaking contact at the grocery store was no longer there so I was on my own there. The girls at the “apteka” (drug store) were getting to know me pretty well as every day I would go in search of a new wonder drug to cure Irina’s cold/flue/pneumonia/ bronchitis or pampers for Mamula. Between Irina’s writing the orders, the girls limited English, and using my finger to point I was able to keep the sick bay stocked with drugs. I noticed that they still had the advertisement for live leeches in the window, but figured blood letting was not going to help Irina’s cold and I like Humphrey Bogart in the African Queen have no liking for those slimy blood suckers.

Then Vicky calls and Irina reveals that she is feeling kinda crummy, but is sure that by next week she will be back at 100%. Vicky listens skepticaly. Last year Vicky got sick and ended up in the hospital missing the biggest holiday party of the year – New Years. She didn’t want a replay. And she of course was concerned that Tolic might catch something. “We’ll see how you are doing Monday” Vicky says.

Towards the end of the week Irina starts showing some improvement, but still is coughing. During the weekend Vicky calls “Mama, Tolic is getting sick, we probably won’t go to the Dacha.”

Irina is terribly disappointed. “Ok, but what to do?”

Next day Vicky calls. “Mama how are you?”

“Much better Vicky, I think I am fine - cough, cough, cough”.

“Mama, Tolic is much better so we will go to the dacha. But you are still coughing you should probably stay home. We’ll see.”

“Vicky I am sure I will be fine by next week.” Irina was getting much better and just had a little dry cough which was probably due more to the cold, dry air than any virus, cold or other contagious condition.

So things were in limbo as Monday rolled around the daily report read; Tolic recovering, Irina recovering, Potrick recovered, Vicky and Igor no problems yet. Ahh, but the day was young, early Monday morning.

Mid morning the phone rings, Irina answers. It’s from Vicky. “Mama, Igor is sick. He went to the hospital to be checked. We won’t go to the dacha.”

I am starting to think this is some kind of dacha yo-yo. We go – we don’t go – we go – we don’t go. Where will it stop? Monday afternoon Igor’s diagnosis is he will live of course, just a mild sinus issue. And guess what the phone rings. “Mama, Igor is a little better we will go to the dacha.”

Irina coughs then replies “I think we will just have our Christmas here.” And that is how we ended up at home on Christmas Eve eating studien with Tanya, Irina’s old friend.

So Tuesday the Russian Studien saga began. We were going to have duck and a Russian special called Studien at the dacha. Since no body was going to the dacha we needed to make it at home. And the movie tells the rest of the story.

Old Raw Random Experiences 2005-06

07/07/05

Amerikan Komrades,


We have been keeping busy. Nothing in Russia is easy so we are never at a loss for things to do. And there is always something exciting going on.

"THIS IS A BUNCH OF SHEET"
Like the simple task of buying sheets for the new bed - it only took us probably 2 full working weeks to get some, and they still are not exactly right. There are "Euro-standards", "Russian-Standards", "French-Standards", and whatever. There are no twin, double, queen, or king beds; rather you buy a bed in 10 centimeter increments. Buying the bed was whole another story, but will have to tell that later. We bought what was represented as a popular size (kind of like American queen size). Turns out it was not exactly, and we have wondered all over this city of 4 million looking for sheets that fit and are "attractive".

We would walk into a store, tell the sales people that our bed was 200cm by 160cm and would like to see what sheets they have in our size. Their first question was "what size blanket do you have?" We just couldn't understand what in the heck a blanket has to do with buying sheets. But it turns out that all of the sheet sets have a duvet that a blanket must fit into and for some reason that seemed to be the starting point. I kind of thought it made more sense to find sheets that covered the mattress, but not here.

So we buy a blanket and sheets to fit; assured by the blanket sales lady and the sheet sales lady that it would work perfect for our bed. Get home try it and of course it is too small. So everything goes back, fortunately I had purchased the items with my Visa and it was easier to get the credits (only took 5 people to approve and settle the return and credit). But then of course they didn't have the larger sizes we needed so we had to resume our search in different stores. Finally found something that came close enough to fitting that we wearily accepted it.

Oh yes, none of the sheets are fitted and have elastic that holds them to the mattress. Not sure why this technical breakthrough has not made it to Europe.

I think the best way to buy a bed in Russia is find sheets you like and then buy a bed to match.

"A HEAVY MATTER"
Another fun adventure was the bathroom scale. How many Russians does it take to sell a scale in a store like say "Bed, Bath and Beyond". The answer is "alot".

After checking around we decided on the scale we liked, so I walked back into the store (without Irina-she was busy looking at clothes), pick up the scale and head for the checkout counter. Whoooa I am almost tackled by the lady that works this aisle (1). Stupid me; I thought I could just go to the check out, pay and leave - NOT So. She stops me, realizes that I don't speak Russian and pulls me over to this other little station. The guy that works this station didn't speak any English (2) so he calls over another guy that has a little English ability (3) and they proceed to unpack the new scale and want to test it. So I say OK and stand on the scale and am told to "get off of it". They bring over a vacuum cleaner from off the shelf and weigh it instead, not sure why they picked a vacuum cleaner. But after checking the weight twice and coming up with the same amount (not sure if it was a correct amount) the government testing form is officially stamped, signed by the worker and me. On to the to the check-out counter. The aisle lady (1) escorts me to the check out line, doesn't want me to pick anything else up I guess. There the check-out lady (4) takes my money and hands we off to another lady (5) that takes my scale and me to another counter where another lady (6) registers my sales receipt or something. Once all the paper work is completed she hands me my new 10$ scale and lady #5 escorts me to the exit. But before exiting there is some security guy wearing the standard attire, camouflage fatigues and side arms, who is guarding the exit gate. He (7) checks all my paperwork, the scale and once satisfied everything is in order and I am out the door.

No problems of unemployment here - if you want a job there is one
available. The irony of the whole thing is that the scale once we got it home and stood on it varies +/- 7 pounds. If you want to weigh less lean forward, feeling a little light, no problem just lean back.

"IT WILL BE A COLD DAY IN HELL"
So next item we needed was a new refrigerator. Irina's 20 year old
'Soviet Standard' refer was struggling along and just didn't have enough room for all the food needed for 3 hungry, hard working, people. So we went to the local "Best" like appliance store-El Dorado, looked at all of the brands,carefully comparing features, size, whether it would fit in the kitchen and through the doors, and, of course the all-important country of origin. Again there are lots of choices from all of the different countries of world. Decided on a German made model, Liberman.

Got it delivered in 3 days. The delivery truck stops out front and I watch them unload the refig, it was a big one; over 2 meters tall. I don't see any dolly just one guy, a big guy. The little guy with him tips it over a bit and the big guy loads it on his back and proceeds up to Irina's second story apartment, using the stairs of course since it wouldn't fit into the elevator. I told the guy I wouldn't want his job.

Got it all set up, seemed to work and gave us a lot more storage. So about 2 days later we go back to El Dorado to get our guarantee paperwork all in order. While the guy was stamping the guarantee with all these official looking stamps Irina asks him about some frost that seems to be forming on the back wall.

"OH that is a problem" he says "you need a master (that is Ruskie for service rep) to look at that". So we walk over to the service desk and get the number of service company that would check it out. Go home and try to call the company. Nothing but busy signals for about an hour or so.

Finally get through and they say "we don't work on Libermans - call this number....". So we call the next number and after many tries they say "we don't work with El Dorado anymore because they don't pay their bills".

"Uh Oh" we are starting to get a little concerned now. So it was back to El Dorado to talk to the service desk people and see what was going on. So we talk to this lady service manager on duty and she calls and gets the same answer from the service companies they supposedly use for our refrigerator. Then goes into the back office and talks to the Director, comes back and says "everything has been taken care of, a master will be out in 3 days to check the refrigerator".

3 days later no 'master' shows up. So we call the Liberman refrigerator office in Moscow to see what might be going on. They say "Oh did you get your guarantee stamped".

"Of course" Irina replies and tells her where the guarantee was stamped and what it said.

The Moscow office says "No, that is not correct. You need another stamp and the phone number of the service shop on the guarantee". She did say that the frost on the back wall of the refrigerator is normal, so it doesn't appear to be defective. But without the stamp there apparently is no guarantee. So it is back to El Dorado for more paper work.

This time we don't have the helpful lady manager we end up with some other jerk guy. And he refuses to stamp the guarantee. Says that a master must inspect it and will then stamp it. I am starting to think there is a lot of BS being dropped on our head and get a little upset with the guy. He finally promises to get a master out to the apartment and clear it all up. One thing we were starting to notice is that there is always a line of people at the service desk returning defective items. Even though I don't understand Russkie I am smart enough to see that they are not pleased with El Dorado's service desk.

So the day after the master was supposed to be here, guess what? No master again and the phone at the service company is always busy. So Irina and I get on the tram and head to the service office. It was in the old run down building and had to walk up a couple of flights of stairs to get to the office. As we walked up the stairs more and more people were just hanging around.

"Strange" I thought, but we walk on into the office.

In the corner again there is some kind of service disagreement in progress. A big tough looking guy is in a major shouting argument with someone behind the desk. Irina says it is something about not getting any service since April.

I see these types of guys every day all over the neighborhood and most of them have a bottle stuck in their pocket and are drunk. Another interesting thing that came to mind was something I started noticing during our search for apartments. All of communal apartments where these types of guys live had full body heavy punching bags and weights lying around - what do you expect where it seems like 40% of the people are employed in the "security" business. So I was a little nervous and not sure how this might escalate, fists, chairs or guns. But Irina asks another person behind the desk something and we get ushered into another room, hopefully out of bullet range.

There we met two ladies who seemed to know that we were suppose to have the master shown up. It would be in a couple of days. But I did find out why the phone was always busy. The lady was either talking on the phone or when she left her desk just took it off the hook-Russian customer service at it's best.

Then we are told that they really aren't authorized to service Liberman refrigerators, but someone would come out and take a look. We asked "would the master stamp the guarantee" and guess what? They said "no, the store must do that". Are we getting a run around or what?

So Irina asks to go to the bathroom and before coming back finds a manager with the service company to talk to. Then she gets the real story, but he said he would never admit this in court or anywhere for fear of his life. "El Dorado is not reliable and it is best not to deal with them and our service company is not authorized work on these refrigerators in St Petersburg. In fact we were sold an old model and El Dorado has no contract to sell these Libermans in Russia, they probably got it in the black market."

"Woooo" I think "we are really getting scammed, no wonder all those people in the service building were so pissed". I decide to call Visa and see if I can cancel the charge, but we are returning in 3 weeks and may not have enough time to settle all this mess. Probably will just hope German Engineering lives up to its reputation and we don't have any problems.

So at 10:30 pm I get Visa and they say "no problem, send us a letter and we will credit your account and debit El Dorado's account, then we will send El Dorado a letter and see what they have to say". How sweet it was talking to an American again!

I could see this drawing out for a couple of months and we decide to first call Liberman's Moscow office and see if they can help us any more and then call or visit El Dorado and tell them we plan to cancel the deal through Visa. So Irina calls Moscow and strange enough they remembered her from her fist call. Well it started slow but when she told them we had talked to Visa and were canceling the order she starts moving up the chain of command. The Liberman person says they want to check some things and will call back in 30 minutes. "Right" we thought. But sure enough some guy from the Moscow office of El Dorado calls and says he will take care of everything. Next we get a call from guy at the local El Dorado that we had talked to earlier, who seemed a whole lot more polite now, who tells us the master will be here tomorrow with the guarantee stamp. Strange how his story has changed. Then another guy from the service company calls and says he will try and get a master over here after 4:00pm today. Suddenly we are getting more service than we can handle.

So it looked better, but in Russia you never know. When we were sitting discussing our options earlier this morning Irina was very concerned about taking this too far. She says "they will just kill us! They know where we live, our phone numbers and they will just have someone in a car run us over - they do it all the time". Hopefully that will not happen and all will turn out OK. The phone rings and it is the master, he wants to setup the appointment!!! Irina talks to him and confirms that the frost is normal and he says that he doesn't have the stamp needed for the guarantee; we will have to get it from El Dorado. So we decide to call our new friend at El Dorado and see if he will stamp the guarantee. Strange - now he will do it!!! So call the master back tell him not to bother coming and we go back to El Dorado and get the guarantee stamped.

End of the refrigerator story - I hope. It has been working and has seen a lot of food cycled through it.

"GOD WATCHES OUT FOR THOSE TO DUMB TO KNOW BETTER"
You probably all know about our aborted new apartment search. How after spending almost a month and a half looking at new and old apartments we decided to put it all on hold - too many questions and problems. Well yesterday Irina was reading an article in our neighborhood paper about problems with new apartments.

The first part told about how the law is changing and the only government inspections of new apartments in the future will be to insure that they will not collapse (at least not before all the apartments are initially sold). Everything else is the buyers responsibility.

The next part of the article described problems in new apartment buildings. You may remember that when buying an apartment here all you get is a concrete cave with electric wiring and windows - that's it! Everything else to make it habitable is again the buyer responsibility and costs extra. According to the article (and some of my observations) these concrete caves, which start at around $110/sq foot, have the following minor issues:
1- 90% have unlevel concrete floors
2- 80% have walls that are not square or plumb
3- 60% have leaky or unsealed windows
4- 60% have problems with the joices between floors and moisture dripping
5- 50% have leaky roofs
6- 30% have ventilation problems
7- 20% have inadequate insulation, mold and fungus problems
8- Don't expect the elevators to work, to have any hot water and possibly cold water for the first 18 months after the building is completed.

So what do you think the chances are that things will improve now that there will not be any governmental agencies inspecting the new buildings.

"A REAL REAL ESTATE HORROR STORY"
Two weeks ago we all spent the weekend at Igor's, Irina's son in law married to Vicky Irina's daughter, parent's Dacha (country home). It was an great visit to the rustic countryside, no indoor plumbing, no running water, no screens for bugs, communal sleeping and eating. But plenty of fresh vegetables right out of the garden, a real Russkie "Banya" with birch leaves to beat sweat off your body, plenty of wonderful Ukrainian food and Russkie vodka. Quite enjoyable.

While picking berries I noticed that right next to Valodia's (Valodia is Igor's father) dacha is another dacha which looked to be in pretty good condition and abandoned. Later I asked Valodia about it and apparently the owner wants to sell and I could probably buy it for a couple of hundred $s. Then put another 3-4 hundred into it and we could have a very nice place next door in the country. In our liberated state after a couple of vodkas that didn't sound too bad and we kicked around the idea of being summer farmers in Russia.

The next day in a more sober state I was told about the witch and that having THAT dacha would be a very, very bad idea. "What witch problem" I asked and got the story. Not hard to believe in a land where "old village Babushkas" provide perfectly acceptable alternative medicine.

Igor's brother is apparently married to this lady that both Vicky and Igor feel certain is a Ukrainian witch! Irina doesn't know about the witch stuff but thinks she is absolutely disgusting. No one can understand how Igor's brother who apparently is a decent, but not very bright, guy could be married to this older, ugly, ugly lady with a couple of kids from a prior marriage. So they are all convinced that he is under a spell. And in fact she apparently told Vicky that she has "ways to get what she wants, especially from men and that people in her village told her these secrets".

Vicky and Igor are so scared that they opened Igor's mother's camera so all of the pictures of me would not be available to her. I guess witches use things like that for their spells. Vicky also said that she wanted a flower from her wedding bouquet, this was before Vicky really knew her, and she said she was so glad she didn't give it to her. No telling what the witch could have done with that flower.

So needless to say, it has become very clear that real estate in Russia brings with it all kind of risks, most of which are not even imagined by the civilized western mind!

"WE ARE FROM THE GOVERNMENT AND ARE HERE TO HELP YOU"
One last little story about Igor's day. Yesterday while working in his office he gets a call from the building security. "The FSB is in the building!!!".

What is the FSB you wonder. Well best as I can tell it is a hold over from the branches of the KGB, which is suppose to fight "economic crimes". Kind of like our IRS, FBI, and others rolled into one. Apparently there was one business in the building that they had papers, like a search warrant I guess, to question and search.

So why was Igor panicking? His name wasn't on the warrant. Apparently these guys work kind of like a Mafia Shakedown. They have the papers to search one office and then,since they are in the neighborhood anyways and wanting to maximize government resources and operate more efficiently, they just go ahead and search everyone else in the building . It doesn't matter that they don't have warrants for the other people, it isn't a legal operation anyways. They seal the building entrance and then proceed from office to office.

Igor was there alone and his first job was to delete all the files on his computer. I can tell you why that was important, but not on the internet - it is not secure. His next job was to divide the money he had in his office, the majority hid on his body and the remainder in his second office. Since Russia still operates like most 3rd world countries, everything is in cash, businesses generally have a lot of cash sitting around - not checks.

So Igor locks the doors and soon the guys outside are beating on the door. This went on for 3 hours. I guess if they don't have a warrant they won't normally break the doors down, but will stay there forever. Finally Igor decides to open the door and these heavies rush in, put him against the wall and ransack the office looking for money. They find the half in the second office, tell him "this will be enough today", take it and leave. And they did this same thing to all the offices in the building, no wonder the panic!

The Russian Government at Work. What to do? Nothing is the answer, because if you resist they will return with a search warrant and WILL find that you are committing an Economic Crime. And then they will take everything. Of course the money they take goes right to the government coffers - RIGHT! Not a chance it ends up in the goon squads pockets. What do expect from a out-of-control barbarian civilization built on corruption.

So now Igor has to call his clients tell them that their money had been confiscated and he will either have to pay them back, which will mean everything he makes for the next couple of months goes back to his clients, or learn how to walk with only one knee.

This all reminded me of a story Igor told last weekend about a "job offer" he had received sometime ago and didn't accept. Apparently someone, a "connection", offered him a job with a quasi-governmental agency. There really wasn't any job description, he would just pick it up "OJT" (on the job training). The only minor issue was he had to pay the "connection" $250,000 to get the job and another $250,000 after the first year. (I know for my friend Doug this sounds just like a normal recruiting operation - but the "connection" was not a recruiter) All he needed to do was figure out how to use the position to exhort a sufficient amount of $s from common citizens to pay his connection and himself. Of course they don't fire you from such a job, they just kill you if have a bad your annual review. Igor just decided that such a line of work he could not do, and declined the offer.

Such is life in Russia, always an adventure. The days are getting shorter, the leaves are changing to a splendid gold and there is a touch of fall in the air. We are ready for a change, but the Island will surely seem dull.

Till we meet again, soon I hope

07/10/05

OH YES, how much do your cigars cost?? The 3$ Cubans are OK, the 9$ ones are really great; especially with a little vodka. They are strong, but smooth. I am wondering how to get some home, not really. Told Irena, who said she would put them in zip locks in her bags, that it wouldn't be a good idea. Probably send her back to RU and fine her $1,000s of $s. So we will just have to settle for Dominican Republic, which are milder. If they are cheaper here I will bring some back for you, to be used only when you par a hole, of course that doesn't happen very often as we all know.

Last night on Russkie TV they had a big special about the toys coming from China. What immediately came to mind was our trip to the Chinese toy store in Austin with Lacey. Apparently there is a lot of contraband toys sold to Russkies on the far east border with China that are terrible!! All that stuff about rendering you impotent from breathing the fumes from Chinese toys is only second to the fact that they are sending stuff with mercury, heavy metals (remember them from A.J.s), and other assorted poisons in the paint, etc. Sounded really bad, and I thought it was probably only RU, but you better not let Lacey go back to that store on Guadalupe St. You better check your angles to make sure they are not contaminated.

All: We are just enjoying the summer weather, low 70s, and starting to think about RTUSA (Return To USA). Mamula gets her interrogation by the US Consulate heavies on 7/18, if she fails then she stays-no question. If she passes then we have to decide if she goes or stays. Not sure what to do, lots of issues to consider. Heck, if a Dennis like storm heads for CC, there wouldn't be anything to return to anyways.

Well got to get another vodka shot and get ready for dinner.

07/11/05

Yesterday went to the Naval Museum which was interesting until we got to the Soviet period of history. Mostly propaganda about how great they were. Irina was getting mad since she could see that there had not been any changes made to the exhibits since apparently before the fall of the communist system and a lot of the old history has be discredited now that everyone knows what actually went on back then. I was upset because they always want to charge foreigners 10 times what the Russians pay and then they don't even have anything in English so I can understand what they are displaying. Oh well we cheated and just bought 2 Russian tickets and they didn't catch me this time

07/13/05

I seem to remember that there is a way to get rid of flies using a zip lock bag with water. Am I correct about this? Please give me the complete details. Using your theory about flies one would believe that it would be raining here all the time. We need to keep the windows open and for some reason screens were apparently not invented in Russia so they must not be something the comrades need - hence no screens and lots of flies and other flying bugs.

07/16/05

Irina just walked in with the Soft Scrub cleaner that she bought the other day and exclaimed "theis is conterfit - this was not made in America. Look at the label it was just printed here in Russia and stuck on!" Sure enough looks that way to me too. Oh well, that is Russia - the last frontier of the barbarians.

03/14/06

Food: In the restaurants it is just like the furs, you generally get what you pay for. At home I think they are improving. Last time it was almost impossible to find lettuce. Now it is available at this little kiosk at the metro all the time. So we are happy that we can make normal salads, instead of just cabbage, tomatoes and cucumbers. But we still eat lots of cabbage and potatoes. Vegetables are the most scarce item; they have them here but you must go to special stores which are a long way off and carrying your grocery bags in the metro didn't sound like too much fun. Then meat is a little different also. We bought what I thought looked like some nice steaks and I thought we would pan fry them since we don't have a barbeque. Well I was told that you don't want there to be any blood in the meat here so I coooked and coooked it till it was dry and tough as a rock. Irina does much better with her stroganoffs. We quit eating chicken last month after the avian flue scare. Now all the poultry is loaded with chemicals to prevent the flue. Also have given up Sausage all the time after Vicky found this article about the chemicals that goes into it. We now have a little chart of all these "E" numbers that are found on the packages. Of course they don't tell you what the chemical is they just put this "E" number in the list of ingredients. The chart then tells whether it is considered dangerous, a carcinogen, etc. Now we started checking all our food and find that "E" numbers are everywhere.

Airport Sh*thole of the Year--Schipol Or????

Christmas Week 2010 and Continuing

Christmas week was a disaster for air travelers all over the world, Amsterdam, London-Heathrow, Paris, Frankfurt, New York, Moscow. Didn’t matter where you were, snow and reverse “Global Warming” has been wrecking havoc worldwide. I hope none of you have been impacted by the disastrous air travel delays. But after watching the local Ruskie news I am glad our time in the disaster was spent in Amsterdam.

Now most people would think that snow could not be an unexpected event around this cheerful time of the year. But as the Dutch lady standing in line with us at Schipol said, “for the last 10 years we have not really seen such snow”.

“Ummmmm??” I thought. The little art museum in Schipol showed winter scenes painted by famous artists throughout the last 400 years and strangely they all depicted snow, frozen canals, and the difficulties or fun encountered during such winters. I can even remember back in the 70s and 80s when all of the scientists were scaring everyone with the “Coming Ice Age”. Heck, we even had flights canceled occasionally in Denver during the winter. So what is going on now??

In retrospect, our stay in Schipol was frustrating, but certainly not as bad as what we are seeing everywhere else. The British government is proposing to fine British Air (BA) if it cancels flights because snow closes the airport. There’s some brilliant typical civil-servant thinking!! Next maybe they will fine BA if the sun doesn’t come out and melt the snow.

Not-to-worry, world-renowned “British Engineering” to the rescue – planes will simply be equipped with retractable snowplows and the landing gear will have a skis or wheels option. No more costly runway plowing and delays. Think of all the money that can be saved!! I can only imagine about what the pilot’s winter landing checklist would be like. Maybe something like this:

Pilot - “UH Heathrow tower, this is BA-000(triple zero) on approach, request current runway and snow depth.”

Tower – “Cheerieo, BA- triple zero, Heathrow runway snow depth reporting 47.5 inches. Snowplow deployment recommended. However neither I nor British Government accept any responsibility for this recommendation, should you encounter any unexpected problems, including but not limited to: property damage, loss of life neither I or the British Government shall be held liable. You, as aircraft commander, shall bear all responsibility for any and all incidents until relieved as aircraft commander. The final choice is up to you. Cleared to land on 18 East”.

Pilot – “Roger Heathrow tower, BA- triple zero will be dropping plow and skis for landing.”

Co-Pilot – “Captain - Gear up and locked, dropping skis…….., skis down and locked. Holding plow for base.”

Pilot – “Roger skis down locked. Uh, Heathrow Tower BA- triple zero turning base, skis down and locked.”

Co-Pilot – “Prepared to lower plow Captain.”

Pilot – “Lower plow.” BA- triple zero slows and the nose pitches violently, the plane then shutters and groans as max power is added to overcome the drag. “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, as you can see there is a wee bit of snow on the field. We will be landing soon using our newly installed snowplow and skies, please make sure your seatbelts are securely fastened. We hope you will chose BA for your next flight, if there is one.” Quiet falls in BA- triple zero’s passenger compartments, a few passengers grab their barf bag, others hug their children and/or spouse/or significant other, some calmly take out their cross and begin praying.

Co-Pilot – “Plow, deployed, down and locked, landing checklist complete Captain.”

Pilot – “Heathrow Tower, BA- triple zero, plow down and locked cleared to land on 18 East.”

Tower – “Roger BA- triple zero, good luck, hope you make it.”

And so goes life when petty well-intended government bureaucrats implement rules and regulations providing for peoples’ safety and comfort; forgetting there are always unintended/unexpected consequences.

Global Warming, it was fun while it lasted. But, unfortunately it looks like we will all have to learn how to live with winter again and the transition will not be easy.

Moscow, Domodedovo & Sheremetievo Airport

The local news is saturated with reports of the catastrophe at Domodedovo & Sheremetievo (D&S)! Updates of the tragedy are continually interrupting our favorite TV programs. “When will this stop!” Cries Irina. Of course it has snowed virtually everyday since we arrived and doesn’t look like spring is just around the corner.

“It looks like the “Chaos in Schipol” is contagious” I tell Irina. “But it appears to have mutated and is much worse in Moscow. You would think they would be used to snow, lots of snow”. But I guess they aren’t – not enough snow plows, not enough plane de-icer, and not a clue of how to handle the strandees.

The Russians are getting restless. Tension is building. All we saw in Schipol were a few people pushing to the front of the boarding line. But Moscow is turning bad. There are reports of violence; strandees attacking airline service people, blocking the boarding of flights demanding to talk to Management and destroying property.

We have heard there were no working toilets, no food, no water, no garbage pickup, no power, no place to sleep and no way out! Mothers wanting to change their baby’s diapers were refused because they couldn’t provide immunization records showing the baby had been vaccinated for certain diseases. It is a fluid situation changing from day to day. If something gets fixed, something else breaks down. But it appears that the Sh*thole of the Year Award goes not to Schipol, that honor will be D&S’s.

“Hey Irina, look at what this guy from Euro News is saying:

”One last thing: European airports and airlines put a heavy price on passenger safety. But in Russia, for example, the priority is getting the planes off the ground. Passengers there fly at their own risk.”

(Euronews 20/12/2010 19:33cet)

http://www.euronews.net/2010/12/20/arctic-weather-prompts-airline-criticism/

“I knew I didn’t want to fly to Moscow!!!”

“Not enough plows, not enough airplane de-icer”. These usual government responses refuse to defuse the situation. But the line is wearing thin when strangely KLM is flying and Aeroflot can't make it into the air.

“Why isn’t Aeroflot flying?” Russians are rightfully asking.

And the repetitive response seems to be “no plows for the runway” and “no de-icer for the planes”.

“How could that be? We always have snow in the winter, and fall and spring” many are asking.

"Duhhhh is this Russia or what?" I might suggest they start by checking the spending habits of the individuals responsible for buying the de-icer or the snowplows.

"Duhhh do you think they might find a public servant's life style is a little richer than their humble salaries afford?" No possibility of corruption here, keep moving, keep moving. What, with “Global Warming” we don’t need no stinking de-icer (or plows).

Old Vald, the director in charge of purchasing the airport’s de-icing fluid is no dummy. He sees that on his watch for the past 2 years they only used 10,000 gallons a year and his yearly budget is for 20,000 gallons. So, with Nadia his drinking buddy and seller of de-icer, they agree to fix the purchasing documents to show 20k gallons bought & delivered but only actually buy 10k gallons, the amount normally used. Old Vald of course charges the government for 20k gallons and then makes the normal split. 70% for him and 30% for drinking buddy Nadia.

Vald and Nadia are not unique; this mindset is endemic worldwide. The Brits claim this is a “once in a lifetime” event. All I can say is that these people must have a very, very, very short lifetime experience and by virtue of possessing such a mental handicap should not be allowed to hold any position of responsiblity.

“Let’s be clear: if we invest more money in winter resilience, that means less money to invest in other things,” said British Transport Secretary Philip Hammond.

(Euronews 20/12/2010 19:33cet)

http://www.euronews.net/2010/12/20/arctic-weather-prompts-airline-criticism/

Sir Philip, I am sure, was referring to investments in his salary, his Dacha, his banker friends, etc., etc., etc......

But the poor Russians situation seems especially pitiful with no end is in sight. Remember winter doesn’t end for almost 3 more months.

Ps – after writing this Irina just advised me that indeed one of the airport’s Director of Supplies has been put on involuntary leave while the authorities investigate.

No, I don’t know if the Director’s name is “Vlad”. If it by chance is that would be a coincidence as all names in my blogs are just made up from a fantasy in my mind.